Friday, August 31, 2012

Free Publicity

Tim Boras Ends Holdout,
At Odds With Readers
By Champ Kind
AP Sports Blog Analyst

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Before “Trade Them All” started way back in October of 2010, Tim Boras was a highly sought after Free Agent.  That’s not to say his career was born in the spotlight.  On the contrary, his career had humble internetical beginnings - most notably his brief stint with LiveJournal.   Though many humans enjoyed Boras’ insightful and provocative take on Muppets with AIDS, the Muppet community as a whole found his views distasteful and uninformed.  The resulting backlash forced LiveJournal’s hand, and in the 2003 offseason (Summer), Tim Boras “resigned” from the team, though his departure in the light of the Muppet Scandal was more than transparent. 

Despite several modest offers from the likes of Myspace and Wordpress, Boras took a Six year hiatus.   It is during this time Boras says he received his Fantasy Football training from Japanese masters, though many speculate this is a metaphor. 
(During his absence in 2011, an anonymous source “close to Boras” made this claim:
“No, he didn’t study with Samurais on Mt. Fuji or anything like that.  When Madden 2006 came out he was banging this Korean chick.  I don’t think he ever even knew her name.  He always called her Ting Pee.  I’m pretty sure her name was Elizabeth.  But yeah, that’s when he started getting into football.”)

In 2009, Tim Boras announced he was making a triumphant return to the Blogging Circuit, and would be dedicating his writing to the Sporting world.  In a show of solidarity, Boras signed a One Article deal with LiveJournal.  In this highly anticipated editorial, Boras debunked rumors of his deeply engrained racism with a staunch support for Barry Bonds’ 2007 All-Star appearance.  Fans swarmed by the tens to read, providing fanatical support for the outcast writer, such as:

Your site article is very intersting as well as fanstic,at the same time your blog theme is exclusive and ideal,great job.To your success.

Boras knew that with dedicated, knowledgeable, articulate fans like this, he would quickly become one of the most influential Sports Bloggers on the net. 

His confidence was not without merit, as the Free Agent Blogger soon signed a Three Year contract with Google Blogspot.  In 2010, his first year with the organization, Boras shattered the record for Tolerable Fantasy Football Articles (TFFA) with a league high 19.  The season was an all-around success. Google was praised for its persistence and faith in acquiring Boras, while Boras himself was praised for justifying his Front Loaded contract. 

In 2011, “Trade Them All” had vast viewership spanning the globe, and not just because many of his pictures are linked on random Google Images searches; mostly, yes, but not exclusively.  In fact, by 2011 Tim had literally dozens of readers.  Unfortunately, five articles into the season, Tim’s season abruptly ended due to undisclosed reasons. 

Rumors swirled about walking pneumonia, terminal hiccups, and vengeful Southeast Asians.  Two months after Superbowl XLVI, sources confirmed the real reason behind his sudden departure. 

Tim Boras was holding out. 

When reached for comment, he freely admitted, “You’re damn right I’m holding out.  Did you see my 2010 season?  I more than earned that money, and my contract should have been adjusted accordingly.  I will not write another article until my 2012 salary at the very least matches 2010.” 

Tim had supporters, but there was an unsurprising backlash.  The detractors steamed like lava on ice, as the hatred boiled and spewed out into Fantasy forums:

“One hit wonder.”
“I don’t know what we’re yelling about!”
“Muppet rapist!”
“I'm very disappointed in you.  -Love, Mom”

It was thought Tim Boras would miss the entire 2012 season, until he met with Blogspot officials in late July at a Chick-Fil-A in Oxnard, California.  It was there, over a 64 Nugget Tray, the two sides hammered out an extension, shook hands, and grabbed their free refills. 

The contract numbers are yet to be released, but Boras is slated for an article before Opening Day of the 2012 NFL season.  The ordeal appears to be in the parties’ respected rear view mirrors, but many assume tensions at Blogspot remain high. 

Regardless, a full 2012 season for Boras could put him back on track for the Fantasy Football Blogger Hall of Fame.  It will all come down to stamina and effort.

When asked if he felt his work would suffer as a result of the holdout, ala Chris Johnson, Boras, as always, was blunt in his response:

“Probably.  But I get paid either way.”