Sunday, October 2, 2011

What A Jerk.

Nice blog you've got here, "Fantasy Guru."
Are there any actual blogs on this fantasy football blog? <---Name the reference for One Boras Buck. 
Here's a hint:

Ya know, The Fly is actually a really good movie, despite what you might think from this dude's acting chops.  Trust me, there are much worse actors out there than this bespectacled caucasian.  Watch anything with Taylor Lautner, or enjoy this classic and hilarious clip from Troll 2:

Dios Mio!

Why the hell haven't I been posting?

Am I too busy?  No, not really.
Is my fantasy team a piece of shit?  Sorta, but I'm 2-1.
Am I embarrassed by my awful predictions?  Of course, but that's not it.
I don't have a real reason for you.  Like most of your top draft picks I'm just a big disappointment.

Here are a couple of thoughts on my preseason predictions:

1)  It's amazing how much my predictions were contingent on Peyton Manning starting by Week 2, and are therefore horribly skewed.  Reggie Wayne won't approach 100 catches, and Dallas Clark will be even further behind.
       Side note:  Austin Collie and Pierre Garcon have all but fallen off the map. These two could easily crack the Top 25 with Peyton around.  Now, they aren't worth a roster spot.

2)  Aside from Peyton, we've lost Jamaal Charles and Kenny Britt for the year.  I doubted Kenny, but there's no denying he was a Top 15 receiver before going down.  Based on KC's play so far, Jamaal was probably a tad overrated preseason, but he was undoubtedly a Top 10 back.

3)  Speaking of overrated, most mock drafts had Frank Gore and Rashard Mendenhall as top 15 picks.  Did anyone foresee such an awful start to their seasons?  I had them finishing 7th and 8th.  Depending on your league's scoring, there are anywhere from 10 to 17 players who have outscored Frank and Rashard combined.  Ouch.
      Side note:  I'm still holding out judgment on Chris Johnson.  Would you believe I actually wrote that before I realized it was a pun?  No?  Well...shut your face.  CJ is still shaking off the rust, and his pass catching ability can't be underestimated.  However, the clock is ticking.  Everyone should be in game shape by the quarter-season mark.  Those angry tweets are more glaring when you can't rush for 50 yards a game.

4)  The QB situation is all sorts of messed up, aside from the fact I forgot about Drew Brees in my rankings.   Vick isn't being used well by Andy Reid, and he can't seem to stay in the game long enough to get a good rhythm. I probably reached a bit high predicting Romo as a Top 5, but who knows what life would've been like with Dez and Miles healthy every game.  Big Ben has looked inconsistent at best, though Mike Wallace has emerged as a Top 5 receiver.
      My one good call:  Josh Freeman.  Ask yourself...when was the last time you associated Tampa Bay with a great fantasy QB.

5)  The ultimate underrated players:  Wes Welker and Rob Gronkowski.  The Patriots offense is back in full swing.  Remember when we all thought the departure of Randy Moss would make Welker a Top 10 receiver?  Well, it took a year, but he went ahead and blew us all away.  Wes is a target magnet, and he has two mammoth fantasy tight ends to take the pressure off him.  I was correct in predicting a big year for Aaron Hernandez, but his injury has opened the door for Rob Gronkowski, who was dominant even before his counterpart went down.  Gronk is a goliath.  He is the mountain that catches.  
Yeah, I'm talking about this guy.

Side note:  Do you guys think Tom Brady might be racist?  Look at his favorite targets:  Wes Welker, Julian Edelman, Danny Woodhead, Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez (who could pass for white, see?)  But then Tom always talks about how much he loves Randy Moss. Deion Branch, Ocho and Troy Brown.  He's like the white guy who says, "No, No, I love black people.  My best friend is black!"  Actions speak louder than words.  Keep cutting that hair shorter and shorter, Tom.  It's only a matter of time before you're full on skinheading like Jon Kitna.

And here some bits of wisdom for Week 4 and beyond:

Jahvid Best is a Darren Sproles who actually runs the ball.

Yes, Ryan Fitzpatrick is a good play.  No, you won't be mocked for it.

David Nelson is a 6'5 slot receiver on a pass-happy offense.  That's Calvin Johnson's height.

Ryan Mathews is the man, though he's fragile, so don't give up on Tolbert just yet.

Ditto Ben Tate.

Not ditto McGahee, Caddilac, Jacobs.

Lance Moore and Colston are back.  You can go ahead and drop Meachem and Devery.

Someone in every league picked up Torrey Smith, and if you listen closely enough next week you will hear their regret.

Scott Chandler has caught 9 of 12 passes and 4 touchdowns.  There are 12 tight ends I would start over him.

Jason Hanson won't save your team.  But he can get you a hookup on Cialis.

Mark Brunell is still a 2nd string QB.  Not relevant to fantasy football, but it still surprises me.  I don't wish for injuries, but I do hope Sanchez goes down for a quarter or two.

The time to trade these players for high-to-mid value will expire soon: Tim Hightower, Beanie Wells, Felix Jones, Steven Jackson, Frank Gore, Rashard Mendenhall, Michael Turner, and Chris Johnson.

Bye weeks are approaching - trade and hit the waiver wire early.  Don't go shopping on Christmas Eve.  And yes, I am overusing Christmas Eve as a reference.  It's 2011's version of "____ is the new Wes Welker."

Hit up the poll, and enjoy your week 4.

And here's your final hint for the movie reference up top:  

It's also how I feel after I look at Michael Vick's fantasy points.

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