Thursday, October 21, 2010


Tim Boras loves prosciutto.  
He loves it in his sandwiches.  He loves it in his salads.  He loves it in his soups.
"It's just dried ham, Boras," You say.
I say, "Fuck you."
Prosciutto is more than just ham.  It's the best part of ham.  It comes from the meatiest, tastiest parts.  And most importantly, butchers and prosciutto connoisseurs spend up to two years making sure it is as delicious as the previous batch.  We're talking the fine wine of meat here people, and Boras takes his meat seriously.
You know what else Boras takes seriously?  Fantasy football.
And like Prosciutto, Boras knows that most fantasy football players need two years to ripen into a capable, well-rounded, weekly starter.
Case in point: Hakeem Nicks.
Here is Hakeem with the New York football Giants:
Look at him - he looks so BIG, so ~~F A S T~~
Here is Hakeem two years ago:
He still looks so BIG and so ~~F A S T~~
But wait...he's wearing a lighter shade of blue in this picture.  Is that a North Carolina jersey?  He went to UNC?  Boras, who the hell plays football at UNC?  Don't they just play basketball?
He did go to UNC.  In fact, Tim Boras remembers watching unbelievable highlights of Hakeem Nicks his final year at UNC.  That was a year and a half ago.
Hakeem is ready to break out as a Tier 1 fantasy star.  He's ready, the rest of the league is ready, but the New York Giants aren't.  And if you're a Hakeem Nicks owner, you'd better be prepared to take leaps of faith.  As good as Nicks has been, he isn't the focus of the Giants offense. He isn't Andre, he isn't Roddy, he isn't Calvin, he isn't Wayne, and he isn't Fitzgerald.  Hell, he isn't even Wes or Collie.  Nicks is still a pleasant surprise for his team, but he isn't essential.  He isn't integral.  And for that reason, he isn't quite the prosciutto starter you want for your team.  He hasn't been fantasy-aged to perfection just yet.  Next year will be a different story.  For now, you're risking the 0's while being rewarded with the 20's.  It's one of those make-you-or-break-you fantasy moments some of us live for and some of us need medication for.
Here are a few others:
Brandon Lloyd
Kyle Orton
Arian Foster
Peyton Hillis
Jahvid Best
Ryan Torain
Percy Harvin

As usual, my advice is to trade these assholes while they're still on the top end of the scoring leaders.  Foster may be a top 5 back so far, but there is no way in hell he's as valuable as a Rice, Gore, Mendenhall, Steven Jackson or MJD.  You always want your team loaded with guys who get the ball 50-60% of the time.  The Fosters of this game always come back to earth.  Always.  If you've been watching football you know there is only one Adrian Peterson and one Chris Johnson.  That hasn't changed.  When another one comes around you'll know it.  You'll never hear the end of it. 


  1. Glad I didn't make that Dallas Clark deal... Roddy deal fell through too.. Currently have an offer out to get Steelers D and Frank Gore for Hillis, Nicks and ATL D. Doubt they'll accept. Also nabbed Reggie Bush on waivers when a rook dropped him this week.

  2. That'd be a nice trade, but I think you need a bounce back week from Nicks to get that to go through. As bizarre as it is to say it, Roy Williams is a nice #2 receiver for you.