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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Where Do I Start?

This is where you live.  

Fantasy Football is a game of chance.  After the draft there isn't much you can do except sit on your couch, or pace around your house screaming at Andy Reid to throw McCoy the fucking ball every play.  Why not?  It works.  He gets you 4-6 yards every time, Andy!  You fat piece of shit.

Believe it or not, Coach Reid can't hear you.  He's going to have Kolb throw into double coverage, then run it up the gut for one yard and punt.  
Meanwhile you fall one reception short of the five catch bonus and lose another week.  
Do you cry?
Do you pray next week will be different?
This is what fantasy losers do.  They sit back and wait.  They hope.  McCoy was their proudest moment in the draft, their steal, their artfully deceptive sleeper pick.  

I'm here to teach you that allegiance to your favorite players, and pride in your draft is your one-way ticket to the consolation bracket.
I'll give you my player rankings, my addables, my droppables, and most importantly offer you trade advice (if you're ballsy enough to listen).  

Fuck loyalty, you're in it to win it.


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